I was dreaming of Matthew. It didn’t seem like a dream it seemed real. The baby started crying and woke me up. I had my finger in my vagina. I thought OMG and looked to see if Mom was awake. She was snoring. Good she didn’t know what I was doing. I got up and took care of the baby. When I was done I put him back in his bed. I went and took a shower and masturbated in hopes I wouldn’t think about Matthew the rest of the day. I wondered if I was going to have to masturbated before bed so I didn’t wake up doing it.
The rest of the day went really well. We now have two new people at Tai Chi class. Paul and Scott. A lot of people had joined the class now and tried not to miss. When my head hit the pillow I thought it was a really good day. Hunter wanted to sleep in the bed with me and Mom. Hunter is so wonderful. I am really blessed. I thought my goal while Matthew was gone was to take really good care of the kids, get healthier and stronger so Matthew would not worry about me.
SUNDAY JUNE 24 After I took care of the baby a little after four I got dressed and went to see if the nutritionist was in the kitchen. I told her the doctor had given me iron tabs because I was anemic and I also was going to the gym everyday so could I get 100grams a day of protein in my meals. She said, No problem. Do you want to add a smoothie after lunch or before bed time? I said, bedtime might be good. Maybe I would sleep better. She replied ok. I will put you down for add protein and more greens. I smiled and said, thankyou.
Sunday was really laid back with no stress. I did get sick to my stomach about half an hour before dinner. I had my tums which seemed to work well. I think it was because my stomach was empty. I asked Mom if there were any snacks around and she said, no. She was sure the kids at eaten them all. She said, we will have to get you crackers to go with your Tums. At dinner they brought me this spinach and egg on the side with lemon salmon. It was so good I could have licked my plate clean. Carlson was really happy with how his men were dealing with the new guests. He was especially happy that no one knew about what happened the other night except his men. Paul and Scott decided one could go in the pool or in the gym and then the next day they would switch. I didn’t think about Matthew. I focused on the kids. After dinner I heard Carlson tell Mom that everything was going really well with Matthew and they would be coming home Friday for Daniela’s wedding on Sunday. Mom said, she would tell everyone at breakfast in the morning.