3/10/2019
That’s what the guy said in the movie I went to see last night said. It got me thinking. How true. I usually don’t think about what I am doing when I am doing a job. I react and just do it, except when it comes to people who hurt children. I just want to rip them to shreds. Which I have done and enjoyed it. I am lucky because in the movie, the women had to fight aliens and I only have to fight humans. Human bad guys and sometimes my job doesn’t involve bads guys at all. I did enjoy watching a strong women fight evil and win. It’s upsetting that we are all on this planet together and we can’t be nice to each other. Some jobs I have done were about fixing something or just retrieving something. Fixing something on a space station, a nuclear plant, retrieving nuclear missiles or computer chips from somewhere. I also think it would be hard to find a boyfriend with all that power.
I didn’t do much else this weekend. I needed to work on dexterity. I need to be ambidextrous for future jobs. So I put a belt around my waist and one on my right hand and attached my right to my back so I could only use my left hand. It made the day difficult. Only being able to use your weak hand is tiring. This is going to need a lot more work.
I didn’t go to the house all week and only listened in every once in a while. They were usual arguing, having some kind of problem. Mark( the guy in the FBI) came because he heard I was here. He claims they have been hiding me from him. Last summer when I broke up with Jeff, Mark showed up and said he had always loved me and wanted to marry me. We started going together and everything was really wonderful. We went to his dad’s house in Santa Monica while there Mark and I thought I was pregnant. We went to sleep one night. We were so happy. Mark, myself and his dad were so happy about the baby. In the middle of the night, I woke up and Mark was standing over me and there was all this blood. Mark was saying something about the pregnancy. I thought at the time he was saying I tried to end the pregnancy. Being half asleep I thought he had done something to the baby. I started screening. Ran out of the room. His dad and brother came to the room and saw Mark all covered in blood and called for an ambulance. I went home before the ambulance came with blood on my clothes. At home, I was told Mark had a stroke, fell and hit his head. Which is where all the blood came from. I was told he was in a coma and most likely would never recover. Today I believe Mark was saying don’t end the pregnancy. I also believe they lied to me that he did maybe slip in the bathroom and hit his head but he didn’t have a stroke. It was so hard to get over. We were so happy when we went to bed and in a matter of a few minutes, our life changed. For days I walked around mumbling that I didn’t understand. When we went to bed we were so happy. I didn’t know it but they told Mark I had an accident and was nowhere to be found and possibly dead. I think they thought a pregnant agent cant work. I don’t know. They are all horrible people in charge.
Mark was sitting outside Thursday night and called. He wanted me to come out and talk to him. I had heard him talking to Lisa during the week saying he didn’t want to marry me anymore because I was now damaged goods. I had been with David and Scott. I started to say no but I really did miss him and want to see his smiling face again. I went out and up to his truck. He smiled when I came to the window. I said, “You didn’t think I was coming did you?” He replied, ” I really didn’t think you would come out.” We talked for a while. He wanted to know how I was. Then he got out of the truck and we went around back to where the bed was and talked some more. He told me he had been in the hospital for about three weeks with his head injury and that he kept telling the doctor he was fine. I back up against the truck bed. He was in front of me. He was telling me they gave him MRI scans and all these tests. He took my hand and put his finger between my fingers. I suddenly didn’t hear anything. His hand was so warm and it was like I felt this love coming out of his hand. All I could see was his tee shirt stretched really tightly across the chest and the muscles on his arm. He then took my other hand and put his fingers in between mine. I was against the truck bed and he was against me. He kissed me. I was thinking about how happy we were the night we went to sleep. He let go of my hands and picked me up and set me on the bed of the truck. I said, “I don’t understand why they told me you would never recover.” He said, “I don’t either. I think they were jealous we were so happy.” He slipped his hand under my skirt and his fingers around my bikini panties into my vagina. I put my right knuckle in my mouth and was bitting it. He was moving his fingers in and out. He was saying he always loved me and always will. I took my knuckle out of my mouth and whispered, I don’t think we should be doing this out here. He took both hands and reached around my back and undid my bra. He looked both directions and said, “Its 2 am. No one is out.” As he put a hand on my breast. He was kissing me on my neck and rubbing my nipple between his fingers. I was thinking about how wonderful our sex life was. How he felt as great now as he did then. I had forgotten where I was. I wondered if we could go back and start over. He took one hand and undid his pants. Took both hands pulling me closer, pushing my panties aside he slipped his penis into my vagina. He was going in and out. I put my arms around his neck. I almost fell off the truck so he put his hands around my bottom. This is the way he felt before. This was the way he felt when we were so happy. So wonderful. This feeling of love coming out of him. Not just sex. I felt wrapped in his arms, safe and loved. Suddenly we both came. Both of us together. In sync. This long-lasting feeling of pleasure. Not like when I came just having sex. This feeling of ecstasy, love, and pleasure like none other I had ever felt. I now knew if he ever touched me I would not be able to resist him. The man who had said from the first day he saw me he loved me.