It was 2am and Scott came in my room. I was sound asleep. He had brought 2 books from his room and some things from the school supplies. He put them on my table. He looked at me with love in his heart. He had never had a woman stir his emotions or make him so mad he lost control and started yelling. He now knew my secrets. I was a jumper. He had heard of jumpers but thought it was just a story someone made up. This must be why Matthew kept her so close to him. To protect her from the world. He thought she is so beautiful and was going to have twins. Matthew is the luckiest man in the world. How could he go off and leave her. He must be dead overwise he would have come back by now or at least sent word. He wondered if he would ever find out what happened to him and Jean. He thought she can leave anytime she wants. He hoped she would stay here out of sight because people had come looking for her before. He looked around the room. It was a good size room. Not small like most hospital rooms. He wanted to kiss her hand and tell her not to worry he would keep her and the babies safe but thought that would not be a good idea since she is a married woman for now.
I woke at 6am. I slept really good all night and felt great. I had stopped the self pity shit, decided I needed to take care of myself and the twins. Even if Matthew is mad at me he will still be very happy about the twins. I had a talk with myself. I have a goal and a purpose. I need to bring 2 healthy children into this world no matter what else is going on or what else happens. Sooner or later I am going to have decide Matthew and Jean are not going to come back and take reasonability for the 4 children. To raise them as Matthew would have wanted. Scott as an uncle will make a good father figure and Mom is a great grandmother. So I just need to be a good mother. Not having self control is not being a good mother. So from this minute forward I need to have self control, think carefully about what I do and be a good mother. Now I know why there were 4 children sitting with Matthew on the grass in my dream. I got up and went to the bathroom. When I came back I saw the stuff on my table. Two Tom Clancy books, a notebook, a drawing pad and different pencils. Those must have come from Scott. He reads a lot and I think he would read Tom Clancy. I took a page from the notebook, a pencil and wrote pillow for my knees. I put the paper and pencil on my bed table. I was going to start making a list of things I needed. I turned on the TV. It was almost 6:30am. Mom and the kids would be up by now. I missed them. I sat in the chair next to the table. I was tired of being in bed. I started watching the news. It was terrible. I found Cheers and that was better. Added nail kit and calendar to my needs list.
When they brought my breakfast I asked to eat at the table. More like I was doing before I came here. Breakfast was great and I took my pill. I tried reading, watching tv and just resting. When they brought lunch I wasn’t hungry yet. I think swimming and playing with the kids had given me a appetite. I took anything off the plate I could keep and tried to eat what would not keep. When the guard came he noticed I didn’t eat much and ask if I was ok. I said, just not very hungry. He said, maybe by dinner. About an hour after lunch I was tired of sitting in the chair. I went in the bathroom and put on my harness. I walked from one end of the room and then back. Over and over trying to get some exercise. I could walk from the wall, across the room, into the bathroom to the wall and back again. I tried to count the steps. They say you should take so many steps each day. Couldn’t remember how many that is but thought any would be good. I then sat in my chair awhile and thought maybe I can take a nap. So I went back to bed. I was taking a nap with the kids in the afternoon. I fell asleep for a good hour. I was happy with that. I ate some fruit and then went and sat in the chair again. An hour before dinner I decided to do the walking again. I did better this time and felt I was ready to eat dinner. I did better with dinner. I think it was the walking. I decided a walk after breakfast, a walk after lunch and then a nap. After dinner I watch tv and then finally fell asleep.