2/11/2019
I had a terrible time getting up this morning. I think I am depressed. Is it too much sugar, diet coke caffeine, red meat, just plain old loneliness, lack of sex at 5 am or stress? How do you guys deal with this feeling? I feel like I am in first gear. You know how the engine makes that laboring noise when it is stuck in first gear. Last week I got together twice with Jess and I did feel better. Not great or fantastic but better. Maybe its just lack of good sex. The sex with David was good and the sex with Jeff was really good. I think that was because I was so in Love with Jeff. Doing a job with someone I liked and having it work out good gave me a feeling of accomplishment, on top of good sex. I would forget all about the time and didn’t feel any stress. It was wonderful. I have been playing Rocky Balboa theme song and dancing around to get the blood flowing. I need to get back out there finding a boyfriend, go back to the gym and working again. Mopping around the house is not good. Wonder how I find a steady that likes sex at 5am every morning? What job would I tell him I had that would explain me being gone a couple days a week. I flight attendant. A bookkeeper for the mob? Anybody got a suggestion? I am going to have to think about that. I didn’t go to the safe house since Jess left so I don’t know what kind of mess is going on. I do know Margret is going to get someone killed because that is what she does. I heard this morning that they decided to send a special ops marines group to take care of the house. Strange what was wrong with the army. Lisa just said they want someone who has done special projects that had special talents. Wonder want their talents are? Because the Germans are nearby again. They also wanted someone with more discipline. Maybe they will get rid of Margret. I am about to take her out to the desert and put her in a hole. Last week when she squealed on me and Jess I told her I was going to dump her in the La Brea tar pits. At least she wouldn’t come back from that.
One of the women on my school project works at a sports bar. She said she dances on the bar and pours shots into the guy’s mouth. I had never heard of that before. Since school has started, I have met two women who work at different sports bars and do this job. I really need to get out more.
Well, I need to go fix my assembly program. It would be nice if I had a programmer to help me but if I have someone to do my homework I wouldn’t learn anything and that is the only reason I am going to school. I am going to play Rocky, dance some more and go through my assembly program.