I Know Marriages don’t last but I thought mine would last longer than this. After a great day together I went to sleep in his arms. It was so great I can even describe it.
Around 1:30AM I had to go to the bathroom. You know that night time pee thing. I carefully got out of bed not to wake Matthew and went to the bathroom. Just as I was going to flush I heard Matthew scream, “Mother Fuckin Son Off a Bit. That Fuckin Bitch.” I was shocked. What was going on? I came quickly out of the bathroom and Matthew was sitting up in bed looking at me. I said, “What’s going on?” Matthew came back with, “You told me you would not disappear again.” I said with surprise, “I didn’t, I just had to pee and when to the bathroom.” You could see the wheels turning in his head. That he had made a mistake. He said, “I am leaving, you promised me.” I started to say, “I never.” When I felt really strange, the room started spinning, I felt sick to my stomach, I put my hand on my forehead and then I passed out. Amy woke me up with some smelling salts. I was in bed and didn’t feel well at all. Amy took all my vitals and was noting everything in my journal. She asked me how I was doing and I told her I didn’t feel well at all. I looked at Matthew standing next to Amy and said, “Could I have a bed in Amy’s room I want to sleep in there?” Matthew got all in a huff and with a mean look he said, “I will just move back to our house and you can have this room to yourself.” He did an about turn going to his office and started packing things up. I asked Amy if she would call the kitchen and see if they could send me a strawberry yogurt smoothy when they had time. I said I felt very weak and sick. So she got on her phone, called them and I fell asleep. A couple hours later Amy woke me with the smoothy. I couldn’t sit up so I just sipped some through a straw. Matthew came up to the bed. Put his hands on the bed and leaned over. I brought my hand to his face to stop him and said, “What are you doing?” Matthew said, “I was going to kiss you by?” I said, “Don’t touch me. Don’t ever touch me again. I have had problems all my life and have had to deal with them. I have had to learn to adapt and change. You have had control of your life and want to have everything to your liking so it would be perfect or eliminated the problem so you didn’t have to deal with it. You have never stopped controlling and accepted uncertainty. I feel like killing myself but I have to think of the baby. I will take care of the baby and have a healthy baby. Nothing is going to get in my way of that. Then I am going to give him to your mother and kill myself.” You could see Matthew thinking him. A Boy.” I continued, “Until then I don’t want to see you or hear you.” I shut my eyes and fell asleep. Matthew looked hurt and then started grinding his teeth and holding his tongue in front of Amy. He turned to Amy and said, I am going back to my place. You have my number if you need me. Cindy will have to help you take care of her. He turned around, got his large cart of clothes and things from his office and went out the door closing it behind him. I didn’t go out of my room for several days because I didn’t feel well. On the third day I got up and walked around little and even road the exercise bike for a few minutes. Mom called Amy and said she had not seen me for a couple of days and wanted to know if I was ok. Amy told her I hadn’t been feeling well and I had been sleeping most of the time. A hour later a person came to the door with chicken noodle soup, chocolate milk, chocolate cake and a note from mom saying I hope you feel better soon. Matthew called Amy a couple hours after that asking if I was feeling better. My eyes got big and I reach out my hand wanting the phone. I took the phone and said, “Don’t call here any more and I am blocking your number.” I hung up, blocked his number and handed the phone back to Amy. I had eaten the food mom sent. It was good. I fell back to sleep.