The dream that seemed real. I woke at midnight and went to pee. I have to pee all the time. I left my harness on really loose so if I had to get up. I also have to wear my bra all the time because my breast are so heavy and pull ups for leaks. I can’t stand the pain when the weight of the kids pulls on my skin and the harness helps stop that. I got back in bed and thought wow I can’t believe how good I feel. I was thinking when the kids are born I am going to find time to “jump” and go look for Matthew. Matthew always said, I could not jump but I will be very carefully. I need to know what really happen. I understand Serena looking for Jean. You have this longing to know. I feel good enough to do it now but don’t want to risk it. Also I have a little trouble walking. I fell back asleep and started dreaming around 4am about being in Scott’s room asleep. He is against my back like before. He had his right arm over me and we were sleeping so good. He started nibbling on my ear and saying how much he loved me. I had missed him this week and he felt and smelled so good. He moved down to my neck and with his hand he started rubbing me below my stomach like he would do. I was feeling so good and it seemed so real. He slid his fingers under my pull ups. He moved his hand around until his fingers found my clitoris. He moaned with desire. I could feel the heat from his body on my back. When he put himself inside of me I was gone. With in a matter of seconds I came. It was so good and being back with Scott was so great. When he came he just wanted to kiss me. He said, I love you so much. He got up and went to the bathroom and I went back to sleep thinking I love this man. I have got to marry him. When I woke in the morning in Mom’s room. I thought I wish it could be real and not just a dream like last night. It seemed so real. I thought I have to get ready for breakfast because this is Scott’s day. Scott said, he traded today off to work another day for another guard. Some one came and got me just like Tuesday. I was so happy and grinning ear to ear. I felt good and had been dreaming a wonderful life with Scott. The table was all ready and had breakfast on it. We had a great time eating, talking, dancing and watching tv. After lunch I said to Scott I had a wonderful dream about you last night. I dreamed we were back in your room and you were making love to me. His eyes got big. He remembered having a dream last night that seemed real. He remembered going to the bathroom and shutting the door only to open it again and check his bed because the dream seemed so real. When he looked at his bed no one was in it so he went to the bathroom and back to bed. I said, I had a dream that seemed so real and was wishing we didn’t have to stay apart. He said, when was this? I said, I don’t know? Maybe about 4am. I said, I really don’t know. Why? He said, I had a dream last night also. In his mind he was thinking did she jump into my bed last night? He said, I wanted to tell you that I am going back to Martha’s tonight because I have to do laundry and work on my paper but if you need me you can text or call. I said, ok. Daniela came and we played cards until time for my nap. Scott said, he was going to the gym while I took my nap. So if either one of you lady’s needs me that’s where I will be. At bed time Daniela returned me to Mom’s room. I had a good day and fell right to sleep.
Scott went to Martha’s house and was worrying I had been jumping and not even know it. He thought maybe staying at Martha’s will stop it if she is really jumping.
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 10 Friday was Connor’s day. Conner talked to someone in the kitchen and found out there was a large tent he could use that had been put up for a party on Sunday. So we had breakfast and lunch there but had dinner in his room. He is leaving the door open. We had a good day. He said more than once he thinks he is falling in love with me. I didn’t know what to say. I am so in love with Scott and feel nothing for this man. He is really great and I am sure he would not have any trouble at all finding a girlfriend or even a wife. I can see why Matthew choose him. He has had so much more experience in this dangerous world I live in and there is no question that he can protect me and the kids. I just don’t think I can love him. This was all rolling around in my mind at bed time. It was a good day and one day closer to delivery. Days are going pretty fast. I needed to go to sleep. Scott is coming in the morning to have breakfast and dinner with me. He has to work so will not be staying the whole day.
SATURDAY NOVEMBER 11 I woke up feeling ok. I had a little trouble finding a position to sleep last night. The day was good. Scott and I had breakfast, lunch and dinner together. I asked how Serena was doing and he said, Mom had said, that Serena and her Mom might get to come to Thanksgiving dinner. I was happy about that. I hadn’t seen her lately and was wondering how she is doing. I played with the kids and just had a nice day.
SUNDAY NOVEMBER 12 Conner made a big deal out of the fact it was Sunday. He showed up with flowers and looking for me for breakfast. He had bought a special watch for me. It registers your blood pressure, temperature and other things. Also, I can call him on it if I have to. He said, he is so worried about me in that room alone at night and no one there to help if I needed help. After breakfast he put it on me and showed me how it works. He looked at me a couple of times with this starry looked. I thought this is not good. When I went to bed I looked at the watch and the readings. I was glad to have it.
MONDAY NOVEMBER 13 When Scott came for breakfast he said that on the days he had to work he would have to skip breakfast but would be getting off earlier so we would have more time in the evening. I had heard Conner talking to Carlson trying to find a way to keep Scott from see me. Conner must have got Scott’s hours changed. Today he had traded today off for another day. So we had all day. Scott looked at the watch and said, this is great. I should have thought of it. I can text you now and ask what your readings say. He looked at me and said, when did you have shower last? I said, in your room because I have to have help and there is only a tub in my room. He said, I will talk to Mom and get someone to help you. We had a nice day and when I went to bed I thought do I smell or was it just my hair is getting oily. The day was nice over all.