TUESDAY AUGUST 15

I woke up at 4:30am. My stomach was upset. I went in the bathroom shut the door and leaned over the toilet. I wasn’t sick enough to throw up so I sat on the floor leaning against the tub. Thinking maybe soon. I was suffering for ages hoping to throw-up and get it over with. After a while it passed. I sat on the toilet and had the runs. That must be what was upsetting my stomach. After I was done I stood in front of the mirror. I was thinking Matthew and I have a connection so if I could just hear him, I would feel better. I shut my eyes and focused on northern China. On the picture of the temple I had seen and Matthews voice. I could see the temple in my mind. I listened for Matthew. I tried to find the connection but there was nothing but silence. I tried harder. Walking up the stairs to the door. Listening for his voice but, there was nothing but dark silence. I opened my eyes and started to cry. Matthew and I have a very strong love and connection. I should be able to find something. Does dark silence mean he is dead? Is it possible that my pregnancy is blocking my abilities? I put water on my face because I didn’t want Serena to know I had been crying. Maybe if I try again in a couple of days?

At breakfast Serena finished eating and a few minutes later she stood up and turned around from the table. She had a bag in her hands and threw-up in the bag. Scott got up. Took a napkin and wiped her face. Dropping the napkin in the bag he took it from her and close it. He hugged her and said, don’t cry it will make you sicker. She stopped crying and wiped her tears with her hand. Scott let go of her got another napkin from the table. He started wiping her tears and saying that’s better. He put his arm around her shoulder and said, let’s go see the doctor. They went off to the clinic and Scott came back later without her. He said, the doctor wanted to keep her awhile to see if she could do something about the throwing-up. We all hoped the doctor could do something for her. That throwing-up part of pregnancy is tuff to deal with. Not long after breakfast we went to class. When class was over Jack kissed Daniela by and Josh kissed Megan by and they both went to work.

After lunch I asked Megan and Daniela if they would go to the clinic with me to see Serena. They thought that was a great idea. We went over and they had admitted her to the hospital for observation. We went to her room. She was happy to see us. We said, we wanted to check on our sister. We told told her not to worry about throwing-up in front of us. We have all been through it. We all gave her a hug and visited for a while. She said the doctor was keeping her over night until they got blood test back. She said, they did an ultrasound and the baby was find. I asked, girl or boy. She said, a girl. We were all excited. I said, I want you to promise if you throw-up on the table, on me, and everyone it will not upset you anymore. We have all had and still have that problem. She said, It’s so embarrassing. I said, no its not. This morning you had your bag. You stood up and turned away from the table and throw-up in it. If you had wiped you face and sat back down. Everyone would have thought that happens and went on to what they were doing. No one is upset with you. We all know this happens when you are pregnant. She said, ok. I said, we miss you and hope you can get out soon. I kissed her on her forehead and said, I love you. We want to be your support system while Jean is away on business. We want you to tell us anything that is bothering you so we can talk about it. We don’t want you to worry about anything. Megan and Daniela kissed her and said, I love you. We then talked a little about maternity clothes. Serena looked sleepy so we decided to go. We were all glad she was staying the night so the doctor could keep an eye on her.

The rest of the day was as usual. Swimming, playing with kids, taking my nap. I hoped my harness would come soon from Amazon. The weight of my stomach is pulling and I am starting to have to put my hands under it if I stand up. I wonder why I am so big?

Before I went to sleep I counted 43 days they have been gone.